Burn Baby Burn

It’s December 31, 2022. I’m freshly out of the shower with my 6 year old daughter next to me in our hotel in Austin, TX. She’s just gotten off facetime with her grandma as I pop out with wet hair, fresh face, and jump into the softest sweats I packed. Tonight is MY New Year’s Eve. I am ready. So ready.

Focus.

That’s my word of the year. I’ve been great at distracting myself with events and trips but this year I’m focusing on ME. Being a mom, loving my home, paying attention to my health, writing, reading, planning retreats, and writing my book. My NYE outfit symbolizes this decision: the year of the Meghan.

This year my personal life was ravaged with more of the same. The family court system is broken as hell and 2022 was another glaring reminder. But in 2023 things will change.

No more photos of my children’s faces.

My children’s images were used against me as an intimidation tactic recently. The thought of using the images of my innocent children to attempt hurt their mother is… I don’t know if there’s a word to describe the depth of the disgust that incites inside me. But I am lucky here, I have complete legal control over the use of their images and I’m putting an end to that. Additionally, my kids are individuals. When they were babies they felt like another appendage of mine, but now they feel unique and I love watching them spread their wings. One likes the limelight, one hates the limelight, and one doesn’t know what to think. But they’re just kids and they don’t really understand what notoriety means so I am going to insulate them from it until they are old enough to be slowly ushered back in if they so choose. Poof. Bye bye Aspen, Hayes, and Hart’s faces from the public eye from this day forward.

My daughter and son scramble to find the best seats on the lawn to watch the fireworks. My third child pulls up the rear after finishing his s’more and we huddle together to view the most spectacular display of fireworks I’ve ever seen. I’m not kidding either. We feet the heat on our faces but it doesn’t dry my tears. Overwhelmed, they stream down my face as I reflect on my position in life. Surrounded by my favorite 3 people in the world at a beautiful resort that I paid for with the job I invented: I work hard to make it look this easy, but now is my year to feel my feels, and being that present comes with grappling with pain.

That night I fell asleep before midnight with my daughter by my side and a full glass of un-drunk champagne beside me and I dreamt about the new year. In my dream I saw a huge live oak growing inside of my home, in fact my home was built around it. My tree of life inside of me, I’d never seen it before. My children were downstairs climbing it with shrieks of joy. I turned around and there was my best friend and the love of my life (I cannot wait to see his face), but this tree was mine all mine.

I’m living authentically this year. I will be inspired to persevere by those brightly lit individuals around me.

My retreats are launched and growing with incredible speed. I am present. I have eliminated all antidepressants and hormonal supplements. I am present. I am enforcing boundaries and angering people because I’m standing up for myself in new ways that weren’t expected before. I am present. I will explore my sexuality if I want to, and I will honor platonic and non-traditional relationships in ways Western society has done the disservice of making us believe are unimportant. I am present. I will delete trolls and negativity, you will come to my page with love or you will not come at all.  No bad vibes.  I will stand for something even if people hate it, I will work for truth and justice because I have a voice and a platform, and I will make rumblings in grassroots efforts in order to effect change for women, my children, and the future. After all, well-behaved women rarely make history.

The fireworks this New Years Eve each began as a small and unassuming cartridge that then branched out as the tree in my dream into a ferociously magnificent explosion before fizzling out into the night sky; we are left with nothing but the memory. In this moment, I am giving you a glimpse into the milliseconds before the beauty explodes. Some of you may cover your ears or watch from afar, but the brave will be next to me, enveloped in the beauty and forever changed by the memory. For those of you ready to paint the sky with me, I will invite you back to the home in my dreams to witness my tree of life grow. For those who are burned by the heat, I will still honor the goodness inside of you. But for all of you, changes are amongst us and I’m going to make them burn with a heat we’ve never felt before.

2023. The Year of Me.

 

 

For more information on signing up for my retreats visit https://www.gaiahavenexperience.com 

119 Comments
  1. This was absolutely beautiful and empowering. As a single mother who has been through the trenches, thank you for this inspiration to just persevere! ♥️

  2. I am so proud of you. You are so authentic and we are getting to watch you bloom. Love and prayers.

  3. Congratulations Meghan. You have done more growth than many people ever will. Be proud of you. Good for you for taking charge. Haters going to hate but let them hate somewhere else. Happy New Year

  4. The best thing you can do as a mother, who’s life is in the spotlight, is guard and protect your precious children’s lives with privacy. Especially if they are minors. Help them grow up not feeling exploited or used as a weapon to the other parent.
    YOU chose to be in the public eye, as did their father. A lot of celebrities keep their babies out of the spotlight. I commend you to starting, it’s never too late to change!
    I admire your strength and applaud you for removing your children from the public eye. (I wouldn’t even use their bodies in pictures, maybe keep them off social media completely for the best chance of safety and privacy)
    I’m so happy to have read this and commend your new mindset. Best of luck in 2023 Megan! 💖

  5. Happy New Year boo! I am proud of you and pray for your healing journey. Always sending love your way 💙

  6. You need to write ~ your writing is beyond perfection ~ the description of your dream you explained is so eloquently written, I was climbing the tree during the read!! You go girl ~ you’re heard and respected and use your voice for good! Proud of you. I’m a warrior in my own right at the young age of 65 ~ I’ve done some very powerful unapologetically things in these years of mine ~ talk about upset the Apple Card ~ no women was allowed to be empowered but they broke the mold when it came to me in my vigorous 20’s, 30’s and so on. Keep doing right by you and your babies and stick to your powerful boundaries ~ I will attend one of your retreats when I see light at the end of the tunnel having 2 kiddos in college and Covid adding on another few years. Be well and May the new year be kind healthy and full of love ~ peace Lori Rose 🌹

  7. You should just not include your kids in your photos.
    That’s bottom line safer in more ways than one!😉

  8. Wow your writing is phenomenal. I like it and I wish you all the best. I love reading between the lines. I’m with you. Only good vibes here. Kick ass girl!!!

  9. Good for you, Meghan! I enjoy your page and admire how you’re navigating life.
    I’m a 68-year-old grandma, but I’ll tell you what: life is a journey and the road zigs and zags in every possible direction.
    The thing I’ve finally learned is quit thinking “as soon as”. As soon and I’m thin enough, as soon as I have enough money, as soon as the weather gets better…
    Yes, even at 68. Damn we can waste a lot of years that way.
    Best of everything to you in the New Year!
    Barb (Nashville)

  10. Way to go…. I love that you are taking charge and own what is important to you not what you think everyone around you thinks is important. Happy New Year to you.

  11. Bravo Meghan! Have watched and followed you since your housewife’s days. Always admired your honesty in all situations. Stay true to you.

  12. So good sweetie! At 72, I’m able to look back and reflect on my accomplishments and also where I went a little “wrong”.
    I dishonored myself by keeping quiet , swallowing the unappreciation of a boss only focused on the dollar, men who were just wrong and feeling depleted and depressed. It’s “all better” now. I’m retired and have the love of my life by my side. Wish I had been “woke” at your age. So good for you girl! Continued success and happiness to you and your darling kids (whose little faces will be missed), but understood.!

  13. I agree the family law in Missouri is broken I watched my daughter get dragged by her ex trying to state she is an unfit mother which was so untrue just to try and gain full custody of children that he neglects it is now 50 50 time and it is destroying the mindset of these young children yet I understand the need for children to have full on relationship’s with both parents but at what cost?

  14. Hang in there Meghan. You are beautiful. Don’t rush into anything. Try finding someone that is religious. If I was 20 -30 yrs younger I would be trying to date you. I just lost my wife in Oct. We were married for 48 yrs 10 months. Don’t give up.

  15. Wow!! This is powerful and I love it!!!! I’ll miss seeing ur beautiful children, but I love this year is about u!! Good for u!!!! And I hope this year is magical, phenomenal, and beautiful for u!!!!

  16. So, obviously you can’t accept that your 3 children have a Mother, Father, and Step Mother and that Step Mother has been in the picture for YEARS and you will struggle until you accept that she’s your chilrens’ Step Mother and as such cares for them, knows them, loves them, and is responsible to them and that the best situation is for your children to love Courtnie. You’re jealous and resentful because their stepmother posted photos of HER family, which now includes and likely will continue to include for years to come your 3 children. Hell she is even step mother to the children you once were a step mother who presently want nothing to do with you because of your resentment and rage. So you weaponized your kids’ faces so that their step mother couldnt show the loving and fun and normal family experiences that she shares with her step children and in so doing now you can’t show their faces either. So I guess you’ll just be posting yourself – your aging, your attempt at middle aged fashion, etc. Surely you wont post more men after posting so many already. At this point you are LUCKY that your children are witnessing a loving, long-term relatiohnship between their Father and Step Mother, because you sure as hell don’t have what it takes to be a in relationship, but do keep focusing on husband 4! I’m sure your ex and his wife get a real chuckle at the fact that you cant hold onto a relationship and the common factor to all those failed relationships is YOU.

  17. Love this! Good for you! Here to support you with your goals this year! 👏🏻👏🏻
    I haven’t shown my twins faces on social media since they were born. They are 8.5 now. I’m a big believer in keeping your kids faces off social media.
    And I agree. The family court system is so so SO broken. I’m still fighting in it now. 3 yrs after separation and 1.5 yrs after official divorce. Fighting for what is in the best interest of my children. Fighting for someone to hold the x accountable.
    Hang in there mama bear!! Is twin single working mamas gotta stick together and support each other.

  18. 1.6.2023 “Your New Year” a new start. I read your posts here, and I must say, my heart sank for you, but it is lifted by your desire to press on . . . into the breech! Succeed for YOU and your dear children. They can help you make it yanno? They really can. The more you connect with them, the more alive and rejuvenated you will feel. I’m a person who’s gone through hell and back again with relationships as well. But I have never given up on love. I am just far more cautious nowadays. Have to be, my heart, soul, spirit and body can’t take any more of the negatives.

    Just remember your focus and to be super patient with yourself as you process though this to find YOU again.

    I’m sure you’re a great lady and Mother. Be that which you are and revel in it. :–)) Time is so precious.

    Sorry things did not work out for you. I sure know the feeling. But we must press forward no matter what we face!

    I’m sending you the best *Huggs!* ever and much love and prayers! I hope all things with you, your children and their Fathers work out for the very best for ALL of you! Mom’s matter and so do Dads.

    God watch over you and yours!

    Kindly, Sir Nicholas of Seattle *Cheers!* to your New Year! I have a lot to work on with me, myself and I too.

    Tis a journey! :–)) *huggs!*

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