As I sit here writing with my hot coffee, Girly Girl laying on the couch, the sound of silence pervades the home as I gaze at the endless span of mountains bursting through the three walls of floor to ceiling windows surrounding me.
My current state of Utahn mountainous affairs is quite a stark contrast to 9 straight weeks of quarantining inside with my toddlers and nanny in Los Angeles.
It’s hard to believe how much my life has changed over the past few weeks but let’s start here: I have a boyfriend now. (That felt strange to type…)
Meanwhile I’m overall more at peace. My neck rarely bothers me, I’m eating more and gaining weight, spending more time outside with my kids, and I’m often told I’m “glowing.” Happiness will do these things I suppose.
Life can really take a quick left turn, can’t it?
I like being in a relationship, I never wanted to get divorced. I enjoyed being married and I certainly didn’t deserve the unfortunate set of circumstances that helped lead to the demise of my marriage. But, alas, it ended. It was a very difficult 6 months. I had to adjust to my new single life while trying my best to maintain a stable environment for my children while throwing myself into work. Then COVID hit and, well, everybody’s plans changed.
I worked on myself A LOT. I did virtual therapy sessions, I prayed a lot, I connected with friends with whom I spiritually align, I did daily group meditations, I wrote positive affirmations on my bathroom mirror, I started running, I started dancing more, I engaged in frequent emotional releases, and I read self-help books. I forgave and I let go. When I knew I had worked through my pain to the point where it wouldn’t define me or scar me but instead teach me, I knew I was ready to really date. I shot for the stars and made a list of every last minute detail of the man I was looking for – my list was pages long – and daily I’d ask God to open my heart to the possibility of loving again.
I got on a couple dating apps and talked about my silly experiences on my podcast, Intimate Knowledge.
Christian and I connected via one of these dating apps and did the whole “quarantine dating” thing with lots of FaceTiming but I never thought it would go anywhere since he lives in Utah and I live in St Louis and work in Los Angeles – but what the hell, it was quarantine and I wasn’t physically seeing anyone anyway… until we did.
After 2 COVID-free tests and much vetting through a close mutual friend, Nancy Anderson, we had the most unusual first date IRL: a masked airport pickup (reading this back makes it sound very, very creepy but I promise it was safe, just strange – similar to life these days). Our first dates were on FaceTime, going on hikes, and pouring our own cocktails. It wasn’t until weeks into our dating relationship when we finally went to a coffee shop, got a drink at a bar, and ordered a meal at a restaurant – this order felt a little backwards and old-fashioned to us but it also made us feel more deeply connected.
Then all of a sudden it breaks in the tabloids that we are supposedly dating and even in love, etc.
Ever since I’ve been in the public eye I’ve been married so this newfound attention over my love life was a shock to me. And Christian, a private citizen who’s accomplished a myriad of fantastic feats in his lifetime (from performing 39 tours in Iraq with his band, to starting, building, and selling companies, to being on SharkTank and getting funding for his current company, Uncharted Supply Co, to running marathons and competing in Ironmans around the world – basically he’s one of the most storied individuals I’ve ever known) – is now known as “Meghan’s boyfriend.” Yikes, sorry ‘bout that.
Here’s the thing: he wasn’t officially my boyfriend when these stories broke but true to the sickening form I’ve found out about major life events in my life recently, we also found out that we are “in love” via the tabloids. That was a weird conversation: “So Christian, um, the tabloids say I’m your girlfriend, sooooo, like, ummm, am I?” I MEAN talk about feeling like you’re a prepubescent girl who’s about 3 inches tall with her tail between her legs – NOT COOL, folks! And can I stress how thankful I am that this whole “boyfriend” thing broke with Christian: someone who could handle the surge of media attention and also someone I truly cherish. So the answer to that cringeworthy “will you be my boyfriend” question was “YES” followed by a lot of laughs as we reflected on the awesome nature under which this question arose… we felt like we should be on The Bachelor with full glam and cameras surrounding us, not makeup free driving down the open road on the way to Grand Teton National Park. Those people in the tabloids didn’t feel like “us.”
Despite the disconnect I feel from my “real self” and the “tabloid self” I read about every few days, the real me is really loving my life right now. My kids are doing great (Aspen can’t wait for school to start again and I’m with her on that one!) and I’m up to my eyeballs in happiness. It’s amazing what can happen when you work on yourself, put intentions into the world, then give it up to the universe. Let’s see what happens.